Native Texas Weddings

The language of love to be discussed today is Words of Affirmation.  Words of Affirmation validate the one receiving these words of appreciation.  Validation is ultimately important to the one whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation.

Encouraging (Inspiring) Words:
All of us have moments in our lives when we lack courage; and when we lack courage we feel insecure. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing from your beloved’s point of view.  It may be difficult for you to use encouraging words, especially if it’s not your love language.  If you have the habit of being critical and condemning, you will be greatly rewarded if you learn to use the love language of Words of Affirmation.

Take a moment to think about an endeavor your partner desires to accomplish, but just hasn’t been able to.  How supportive have you been?  Have you been critical?   If you’ve issued forth a critical comment to your partner, it’s one of the most contemptuous things you could do to a person who thrives on Words of Affirmation.  Have you verbally encouraged your beloved by communicating that you care, that you are there for he/she, offering help (but not specific, just I’m here for you if you need me), and being a good listener.  When you listen, you will discover not only what is being said, but what is truly at the root of the issue.  Look into the eyes, feel the energy surrounding your partner…simply listen but do it with all of your being.

Have you seen your beloved gain weight over a period of time, and your choice of getting he/she to lose it is to berate them?  “I remember when you used to wear a size 8″, or, “I recall you had such a sleek waistline”.  Some people look at these words as encouraging; however, it’s really undue pressure on a person who is already feeling less than and very insecure.  Words like these express rejection, not loving acceptance. Put yourself in his/her shoes, look at the world as seen through his/her eyes…what is it that scares this person…how does he/she feel about themselves?  Listen and hear what is being told to you with no words at all.

Kind Words:
If you are angry at your spouse or beloved, do you respond with hatefulness or with respect?  To a person with Words of Affirmation as their love language, you’d better learn to speak out of love even if you are upset.  If you speak harshly, due to your inability to control yourself,  the energy behind the words can crush this person who seeks affirmations of love through words.  Words are power-filled, right?  In a heated moment is your intention to crush the person or reconcile?  Affirm your relationship or infuse with fear?  Control or support individuality?

Humble Words:
Do you make requests or demands of your beloved?  Hmmmm…..  “A request creates the possibility for an expression of love, whereas a demand suffocates that possibility.”  (Dr. Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages)  The only way to find out what your partner wants is by communicating in a love-affirming manner.  Same can be said about the way to communicate your desires to your partner.  Lovingly guide your partner to meet your desires…never give an ultimatum – that’s simply crass behavior.  Being humble with your requests shows your partner respect and affirms his/her worthiness.  The element of choice operates through a request.  If Words of Affirmation is not your primary love language, learn to speak gently because these words offer healing to the soul of your partner who yearns for validation through Words of Affirmation.

Another tip:  Speak kind words about  your partner to others.  If you do this often enough, it will get around to your partner that you were saying nice things about them.  What a boost to their morale, and your life will suddenly be richer and more meaningful that you ever thought possible.

Their love tank is full!