Greetings from Rev Cindy…Your Intuitive Wedding Coach!

August 25, 2011 by revcindy

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Rev. Cindy The Intuitive Wedding Coach invites you to call her today to schedule an appointment to discuss your wedding needs!  (903) 257-8008

Informal and Formal Weddings
Ceremonies written especially for you to meet you individual needs

MARRIAGES ARE PERFORMED AT THE ESTABLISHMENT OF YOUR CHOICE
or you may have your wedding at our location in Navarro County, Texas.

If you are thinking of having your ceremony at the courthouse, the church said, “No” to your request, or you simply want to elope…call us today!

 

Native American Blanket Ceremony

 

 

More from Rev. Cindy …

I hear y’all are planning to take your relationship to the next level by means of a ceremony.  Perhaps an engagement or promise ceremony.  Could be a marriage or holy union ceremony.   Will you choose a traditional ceremony or one based on a more ancient tradition such as a blanket ceremony, an American Indian tradition; a handfasting ceremony, an ancient kind of marriage originating in the British Isles; or another wedding ritual such as one based on astrology, spiritual beliefs or specific religion?

How may I assist you and your beloved at this time?

Assistance with writing your vows or understanding the structure of a ceremony?  A secluded area in the country to be wed in a simply blissful manner?  Are you short on funds but loaded with the truly most important asset available, which is Love of course?  Are you searching for a celebrant to officiate your wedding ceremony at your venue or at mine?  Hey, are you eloping or just heading to the local justice of the peace? Would you like premarital education and save $60.00 on your marriage license (within the State of Texas)?

Call me today to schedule your wedding done your way…with just a little help from me, Rev. Cindy. (903) 257-8008

You can find Weddings By Rev. Cindy as a national advertiser in the following publications!

 

 

Project WeddingBrides everywhere use Project Wedding to find wedding dresses, wedding songs, and get ideas from the most helpful community of brides. Join the fun!

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Wedding Venues, Wedding Cakes, Dresses, Invitations, Planning, Advice for Perfect Weddings!The easiest way to find local wedding venues, cakes, dresses, invitations & more. WeddingWire is stress free, hassle free, and just plain free. Compare wedding vendor reviews and newlywed ratings. Get wedding planning advice, tips, connect with brides planning weddings. Find wedding vendors, wedding venues, reception venues, ceremony venues, wedding caterers, photographers, videographers, bands, djs, florists, limos, and ceremony music.

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Barry wedding officiant on WeddingbeeBarry wedding officiant reviews and ratings from real Barry brides.

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Wedding dresses, wedding planning tools, and wedding ideasSee the newest wedding gown styles, silhouettes, and details from New York Bridal Fashion Week. Read our primer on the latest wedding photo techniques-you’ll want to discuss them with your photographer. Go backstage at New York Bridal Fashion Week, and get the scoop from designers Amsale Aberra, Ines Di Santo, and others on their new lines.

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Spring Wedding

February 20, 2013 by revcindy

Another season is upon us with fresh blossoms, scented air, and butterflies to delight our senses. Will you choose a high-fashion wedding or a slow-stepping good time? Either way, or somewhere in-between, make sure your day is exactly as you want it to be. And by the way, while you are choosing your dress or venue, be sure to spend some valuable time interviewing the person who will be marrying you. Such an important step that is often left to figure out at the end. Without this person, you would not be able to be announced at Mr. and Mrs!

Tips for the Groom….

January 13, 2013 by revcindy

Dear Grooms,

So, you’ve made it past the third date, met her parents, she’s met your parents, and you’re pretty sure she really likes you.  A year later, you’ve shared intimate moments and spoken words of love—why you’ve even asked her to marry you and she said, “Yes”.   She is proudly wearing your engagement ring and you’ve set the wedding date.  The average cost of a wedding, according to USA Today, is $26,000.   Are you wondering who pays for what?  Here is a rundown:

groom-tips

Groom

  • Start saving money
  • Save even more than you think you are able
  • Keep saving
  • Bride’s Wedding Ring
  • Marriage license
  • Minister’s fee
  • Flowers:  bride’s bouquet, boutonnieres and corsages for your family and attendants
  • Gifts for groom’s attendants
  • Gift for bride
  • Tuxedo
  • Honeymoon

Groom’s Family

  • Rehearsal dinner
  • All their own accommodations

Bride’s Family

  • Bridal consultant or wedding planner
  • Bride’s gown and accessories
  • Music, photographer and/or videographer
  • Announcements and Invitations
  • Reception
  • Boutonnieres and corsages for bride’s family and attendants

Bride

  • Groom’s  Ring
  • Gift for Groom
  • Gifts for bridal attendants

Attendants

  • Gift for Bride (her attendants)
  • Gift for Groom (his attendants)
  • Bridal attendants pay for their own dresses and accessories
  • Groom’s attendants pay for their own attire
  • Bridal attendants pay for Bridal Party
  • Groom’s attendants pay for the Bachelor Party

Now that you’ve plugged all this information into your brain, here are a few other tips to relieve some stress.  Show your bride-to-be how helpful you are by taking care of these simple things:

  • Save money!
  • Get the marriage license at the appropriate time
  • Start looking for your wedding officiant
  • Arrange for premarital education classes
  • Present to your bride-to-be your honeymoon ideas…compromise
  • Compromise on the type of wedding, honeymoon with your lovely fiancé but do not compromise with your parents or parents-in-law.  Stand tall and firm and make this your wedding.  They’ve had theirs!
  • Be prepared to attend bridal fairs and taste many different kinds of pastries.
  • If you both decide on a small wedding, investigate smaller venues and present ideas to your fiancé and start the  process all over again only with less out of pocket expenses.

Most important of all, grooms, make sure your wedding ceremony meets your needs, your bride’s needs, and your married life will balance on a loving foundation.

There’s always elopement!  Rev. Cindy

 

 

 

Tips to finding your wedding officiant.

January 10, 2013 by revcindy
Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage

Many couples I speak with wait until the last minute to find the person who will actually make the ceremony legal.  That’s right, it isn’t the marriage license folks that makes the marriage legal, it is when the minister, rabbi, justice of the peace, or officiant pronounces you as man and wife.   All officiants (those who preside over the act of marriage) are not created equal,  so I have listed a few tips for choosing the one who will marry you.  The stylish bridal gown, the perfect bride and groom cake, the dreamy chapel or dazzling ball room do not a marriage make.  So, let’s take a look at a couple of ways to locate and book the person who will make your ceremony binding because it can be tricky:

  • If you attend a church, then you may already have made your choice.  Pastors, preachers, rabbis and priests will usually perform the ceremony as long as you donate to the church.   This, of course, is in addition to the fee for the chapel and musicians or other performers.  An acceptable church donation depends on various factors, about $500, but don’t forget to tip the cleric about $100.  If you and your fiance prefer a non-traditional or non-religious ceremony, you will then begin your search for the officiant who has experience.
  • Know what your budget is before searching for the one who will create your unique ceremony.  Depending on where you are, officiants cost between $75 – $1800.  The range in Texas is more like $75 – $800.
  • As a couple think about what you want your ceremony to look like.  Do you want a traditional or non-traditional?  Do you want a fun ceremony or one based on a theme like fairytale, the damsel and knight, or roaring-twenties?  Will you write your own vows?  Would you like a prayer or blessing to be said, or nothing religious whatsoever?  How about a bit of poetry or a memorial for a loved one who has passed on.  Will you have a flower ceremony or a stone blessing ceremony?  If you decide ahead of time, you will know when the right officiant shows up.   Also, know you want the officiant to attend your rehearsal, if you choose to have one.  Many officiants will agree and some will not attend a rehearsal.
  • The best way to find an officiant is to ask around.  The next way is to look in your local yellow pages and search the Internet.  Be sure do your homework.   Have a list of prioritized questions to ask your prospective officiant.  I am an officiant and the most often asked first question is, “How much”?    Ask a variety of questions such as, are you available on this date, do you have any references I can speak with, will you travel to my location, or do you have a location because we don’t have one yet.  See how open the officiant is.  Is he/she pleasant to converse with?  Does he/she ask you knowledgeable questions?  Does she/he have references?  Next, does this officiant fit into your budget?  Many officiants marry people on a sliding scale.   If you are located in a relatively high-end of town or having your wedding in an upscale location, remember to compensate your officiant in the same manner you paid for all your other accouterments.
  • Check the references and read reviews posted online.  WeddingWire is an excellent place for officiants to register and keep track of the ceremonies preformed.  Once you locate the person’s name, read the reviews carefully.  The couple ranks the performance from 1-5 with 5 being the best. Do not automatically discount a person if they have one or two negative remarks but still rank a 4.  If  there are many less than 5 rankings or negative remarks, then investigate another officiant.
  • Always let the officiant know even if you decide not to utilize their services.  It is the professional thing to do.
  • Once you have located your officiant, ask to meet your officiant if he/she hasn’t already done so.  If you have several officiants to interview, go with your intuitive guidance when deciding.   Chat with the person and you’ll know when the feeling is right.  If he/she is inattentive during the meet and greet, you are not being served well.
  • If it is important for you to know how the officiant became legalized to  perform weddings, simply ask.  Was he/she ordained online or attend a seminary to become a minister?  Is this officiant a justice of the peace who meets your budget, but has no training except the pronouncement?  Please note that not all states will allow people who have been ordained online to perform wedding ceremonies.
  • Will this officiant simply attend your rehearsal or is the role more extensive?  Will the officiant need to help during the rehearsal by guiding everyone through it, or will a quick run through before the ceremony work?  Is the officiant traveling to your venue?  You will in most cases be required to pay travel expenses.  It is may included in the final fee, but it may be quoted separately.  Is there hotel accommodations included or meals and airfare?   What would you like the officiant to wear?   Be sure to work all this out and then sign an agreement.
  • The officiant will prepare an agreement stating names, venue location, date and time, etc.   You should always read the agreement carefully before signing.  If you have any questions, simply ask.  At this point, you should be able to work comfortably with your officiant.  How much of a deposit is required and how long before the ceremony do you want your officiant there?  (All of this should already be stated in the agreement.)  Who will be responsible for returning the signed marriage license?  Most cases, the officiant takes care of it; but if you choose to mail the license after the officiant completes it, make sure you do!  If you are writing your own vows, but the officiant is creating the rest of the ceremony make sure you have a copy of the final ceremony two weeks prior to the wedding.  If any changes are made whatsoever, make sure the officiant is kept in the loop!

Blessed Be, Rev. Cindy

 

 

When your wedding plans seem to fall apart…

January 7, 2013 by revcindy

The bride who is hardest hit when something does not follow “the plan” is the bride who believes she is in total control.  Oh, I understand.  It’s your wedding.  Your wedding will go according to your plans because you used a wedding checklist…right?  So when your bridesmaid who is going to do your makeup does not bring your favorite blush or the bridesmaid who told you she had to alter her dress a bit shows up in a mini instead of  a maxi ruffled dress ; and no one can find the groom’s ring when the officiant arrives to go over the plans one final time or the best man is hungover after the bachelor party…it happens…and cannot perform his duty.  YIKES, the bride on her big day looses it.

What can you, the bride, do?  Ask everyone to leave you alone including doting mother, exasperating attendants, officiant, and wedding planner.  You need to get yourself centered and remember your purpose:  you are marrying your best friend, the guy you want to grow old with, the man who will father your children…remember you want your children to have his eyes and sense of humor…the one and only man for you.

  1. Get real with yourself.  I don’t mean get out your list or try to figure out what you could have done to keep things on track…I mean find the real you.  The only way to do this is to BREATHE.  You can do this in10-seconds.  Stand, sit, or lie down but BREATHE deeply.  Take a deep breath in through your nose until it expands your diaphragm and then breathe out through your mouth.  Breathe in the positive air, expand, and Expel the confusion out.  Ten deep meaningful breaths and the real you is front and center.
  2. Now, refocus on your goal.  Getting married, right?  Blush wrong color?  Don’t use it, simply tweak your cheeks with your fingers and your natural color will shine.   Be compassionate to the mini dressed bridesmaid…she is your friend right?  Talk to her about it later, if you must, but let it go.  The all important ring????  You simply ask a man to borrow his ring, and then when the wedding is over you will most assuredly find your new husband’s ring buried at the bottom of your purse.  The best man shall now be the one who is most sympathetic to your groom’s plight.  Let him deal with it.  Simple, he is your partner so trust him.  Breathe, expand, Exhale, release.
  3. Keep going even if your grandmother goes to sleep during the ceremony and snores or if the speakers stop working during the wedding march.
  4. Breathe, expand, exhale, release yourself into married life and leave the planning behind.  Enjoy your new life breathing, expanding, exhaling and releasing..leave the list behind.

The best wedding emergency kit cannot be stored in a box because it resides within you.  It is your breath, so use it if these type of things happen to you on your wedding day, or any day actually, and then move forward into the perceived emergency calm, cool and collected as the old saying goes.  Congratulations, by the way!

Blessed Be,  Rev. Cindy Clark-Heald

 

Magical or Tragical Wedding?

November 6, 2011 by revcindy

Most often, a bride and groom have ideas about their wedding that family members frown upon.  They don’t want to see their parental units throwing a hissy-fit, so the happy bride and groom cave-in to keep the peace. If this sounds familiar, read on.

I know you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but after all it’s your wedding. In all honesty dear ones ~ you are not responsible for other people’s feelings.

We are each responsible for our own thoughts and the feelings they evoke.  The choices that come out of these actions belong to each individual.  Once again, you are not responsible for anyone’s feelings but your own.

Nothing can prepare you for the madness a wedding promulgates.  Friends, parents, and vendors trap you into believing you must follow a certain set of rules or guidelines.  They may attempt to emotionally blackmail you into changing  your mind about the way your wedding should be.  Truly, it happens all the time.

Stay strong, bride and groom, and be a united front.

Remember, it’s your wedding day, and it’s about you and your beloved; about your wants, wishes and desires. It’s your time, so remember it is not up to you to please everyone.  You are not responsible for anyone but yourself.  Surely, be kind, understanding and lenient.  Agreeing to wear your mother’s pearls is one thing, but getting married in her church, which you do not attend it, is another.

Make your wedding day a joyous occasion through the choices you make together.  It’s one of the first times as a couple you are able to ‘show the world’ you are doing it your way.  Everyone else has had their time…your married life can be designed around your desires.  We aren’t designed to live backwards, what happened to Uncle Jim at his outdoor wedding or to poor Bobbie Sue getting married at the JP’s office are mute points is either of these choices are you; so don’t focus on anything but your thoughts.  Our thoughts create, right?  So choose the best ones!

Knowing this upfront can prevent you from living your married life by trying to keep everyone else happy ~ while you are not.  From this moment forward, live from a place of choice.  Turn your wedding into magical instead of tragical!!!

Bright Blessings,

Rev. Cindy
Native Texas Weddings

Magical or Tragical Wedding? It's your choice!

 

Love Language of Words of Affirmation

October 4, 2011 by revcindy

The language of love to be discussed today is Words of Affirmation.  Words of Affirmation validate the one receiving these words of appreciation.  Validation is ultimately important to the one whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation.

Encouraging (Inspiring) Words:
All of us have moments in our lives when we lack courage; and when we lack courage we feel insecure. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing from your beloved’s point of view.  It may be difficult for you to use encouraging words, especially if it’s not your love language.  If you have the habit of being critical and condemning, you will be greatly rewarded if you learn to use the love language of Words of Affirmation.

Take a moment to think about an endeavor your partner desires to accomplish, but just hasn’t been able to.  How supportive have you been?  Have you been critical?   If you’ve issued forth a critical comment to your partner, it’s one of the most contemptuous things you could do to a person who thrives on Words of Affirmation.  Have you verbally encouraged your beloved by communicating that you care, that you are there for he/she, offering help (but not specific, just I’m here for you if you need me), and being a good listener.  When you listen, you will discover not only what is being said, but what is truly at the root of the issue.  Look into the eyes, feel the energy surrounding your partner…simply listen but do it with all of your being.

Have you seen your beloved gain weight over a period of time, and your choice of getting he/she to lose it is to berate them?  “I remember when you used to wear a size 8″, or, “I recall you had such a sleek waistline”.  Some people look at these words as encouraging; however, it’s really undue pressure on a person who is already feeling less than and very insecure.  Words like these express rejection, not loving acceptance. Put yourself in his/her shoes, look at the world as seen through his/her eyes…what is it that scares this person…how does he/she feel about themselves?  Listen and hear what is being told to you with no words at all.

Kind Words:
If you are angry at your spouse or beloved, do you respond with hatefulness or with respect?  To a person with Words of Affirmation as their love language, you’d better learn to speak out of love even if you are upset.  If you speak harshly, due to your inability to control yourself,  the energy behind the words can crush this person who seeks affirmations of love through words.  Words are power-filled, right?  In a heated moment is your intention to crush the person or reconcile?  Affirm your relationship or infuse with fear?  Control or support individuality?

Humble Words:
Do you make requests or demands of your beloved?  Hmmmm…..  “A request creates the possibility for an expression of love, whereas a demand suffocates that possibility.”  (Dr. Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages)  The only way to find out what your partner wants is by communicating in a love-affirming manner.  Same can be said about the way to communicate your desires to your partner.  Lovingly guide your partner to meet your desires…never give an ultimatum – that’s simply crass behavior.  Being humble with your requests shows your partner respect and affirms his/her worthiness.  The element of choice operates through a request.  If Words of Affirmation is not your primary love language, learn to speak gently because these words offer healing to the soul of your partner who yearns for validation through Words of Affirmation.

Another tip:  Speak kind words about  your partner to others.  If you do this often enough, it will get around to your partner that you were saying nice things about them.  What a boost to their morale, and your life will suddenly be richer and more meaningful that you ever thought possible.

Their love tank is full!

 

 

 

 

 

Language of Love: Physical Touch

September 26, 2011 by revcindy

Loving support through physical touch.

Physical touch is a power-filled love language; and for many it is the primary communicating vehicle for both receiving and giving love.  Many men will say that their love language is absolutely, without a doubt physical touch, when what they really mean is sex is foremost in their minds.  Sex, while a important aspect in a loving, committed relationship and part of the physical language of love, does not cover all the aspects of Physical Touch.  Other aspects of Physical Touch are holding hands, hugging, massages, foot rubs, pats on the back, kisses, gentle squeezes, foreplay, and sexual intercourse.

For the person whose primary love language is  Physical Touch, they must receive it to feel loved.  With it, they feel emotionally fulfilled and secure in their relationship; without it they starve for emotional validation.

Physically loving our partner can be disheartening if Physical Touch is not our primary love language.  Developing implicit touching tactics, such as bear hugs and gentle squeezes, or under the table foot play and holding hands, takes time and effort to develop.  And, if you are truly devoted to your spouse and she/he loves massages, it would benefit you both to take a massage class to meet that need.  If you are meeting the needs of your spouse or loved one, your life will be wonderful and fulfilling for you both.

Let’s say, you are not a “touchy-feely” person.  Your family didn’t raise you that way, and it makes you feel uncomfortable.  Well, that’s a lousy reason not to meet your spouse’s need.  You say, “I give her everything she asked for. I’m always bringing her flowers and little gifts from time to time.  That should be enough.”  Really?  Not if your spouse’s primary love language is Physical Touch. The gifts are nice, but not what I long for — so just touch me.

If you find yourself in this category, revisit your ideas, Okay?  Loving your spouse is not about YOU it’s about your loved one.  Most of us don’t want to step outside our comfort zone, and the majority of the time we don’t.   We stay within our familiar boundaries and then substitute your need for what your loved one’s needs are.  You are limiting your possibilities of joy when you do that  not to mention the broken-heart of your spouse.

He just doesn’t love me anyway.  We used to hold hands and snuggle on the couch.  Now he doesn’t reach out to me at night and sometimes I only get two hugs per day.  Now to some that is fine; bring me a bouquet of flowers and I’m happy.  To a  person whose primary love language is Physical Touch, it is communicating loving her is no longer important.

Think about when you meet a business person or new acquaintance.  You shake hands, right?  If you didn’t shake hands, what message would you be delivering?

Your tender touches will sustain a person with the primary love language of Physical Touch.   It’s his or her emotional lifeline.

Below is one of the most beautiful pieces of love poetry every written can be found in the Song of Songs:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth…His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me…How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!  Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts are like clusters of fruit.  I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.”   May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.  May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth.

If your primary love language is Physical Touch, and you are having difficulties getting your lover to respond, let’s talk about it.  If your partner’s primary love language is Physical Touch and you’re having a hard time meeting his/her needs, let’s talk about it.

Do not deprive one another the respect love possesses in all its forms.

Bright Blessings,

Rev. Cindy

 

 

Expectancy and Expectations

September 11, 2011 by revcindy

I’ve been dealing with technical issues this week; my wireless hot spot, laptop, and cell phone. I was on the telephone with my wireless internet provider for over 2 hours on 2 different days.  On the first day, the customer service representative decided that the unit must be faulty, and, they sent me a new one. I set it up according to the directions, let it charge the right amount of time, and happily turned it on all the while envisioning an available internet connection. Unhappily, however, I called the provider again because of a different problem, and still no internet. (I’m in school and have a business to run, so I’ve just gotta have the internet; right?)

On the second day, the first customer service rep was unable to help me (after 2.5 hours), so I was transferred to Technical Support. I left that telephone call in tears, because the technical support person was so incredibly rude, and the problem was still unresolved. After I gathered my composure, I called again.  This time I spoke with 4 different provider helpers.   They finally decided to give my case to the “troubleshooting” department, and I would get to wait another 2 days for them to troubleshoot. Now, I have a life to live, so what’s a girl to do? Well, I went to Radio Shack and told them my problem.  After a 2 minute conversation with a customer service person, I was told that the wireless card in my laptop seemed to be broken. The customer service person suggested I purchase a wireless adapter, which I did.  I went back home, followed the wireless adapter’s directions, and voila perfect internet reception.

Hmm…The problem was with MY system NOT the OTHER guys.  As I sat mulling over these events, I realized that each person in a relationship is in a customer service role.  Think about it — the problem was with MY system not THEIRS.  How many times is that true for you — it’s your problem not mine?  “I don’t know what your problem is, but I don’t have one.”  “Let me tell you the way it’s going to be.”  “I assumed you expected the same thing out of our relationship that I did.  What happened?”  “We’ve talked about this a hundred time, and I expect you to…”

There’s a quote from the 12-step program I’d like to share:   “Unrealistic Expectations are Premeditated Resentment.”  It’s unrealistic, isn’t it, to expect others to completely meet our needs?

The customer service people followed the script created by the provider to work with customers who experience issues; and these CS reps did just that.  Step by step; just the way they were taught.  The one techie who was rude wasn’t taught to be rude, but over a period of time her own frustrations and “stuff” merged together creating rudeness.  It wasn’t personally directed at me; it was simply the state of awareness she was operating from that day.  I took it personally, because my “expectations” were for a CS rep to be kind, understanding, and helpful.  The problem was with my expectation…and my expectations did indeed cause resentment.  I resented the fact that my expectation was not met.  Hasn’t this happened to you, as well?  Like daily?

In a premarital or marital relationship, it’s important to know the difference between expectation and expectancy.  They are quite different states to be operating from.  An expectation is state of anticipated outcome.  Expectancy is the frame of mind or state of anticipating something will happen.  We expect our partner to perform their spousely duties in a certain way to meet our expectations — let’s say to make us feel safe, happy, sexy, financially secure, etc.  And then we feel let down because our expectations weren’t met when all along the problem lies within ourselves.  We can’t expect anyone besides ourselves to meet our own expectations.  But we can live in a state of expectancy because we are in a state of anticipating what’s next.  It’s mysterious and sexy.  I find that operating from expectancy there’s an excitement; and operating from expectation issues forth rules that must not be broken — resentment enters the room and the scene changes.

In the book, “The Shack”, there’s a great passage about expectation and expectancy on page 205 .  Check it out:

“If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that ‘expectancy’ to an ‘expectation’–spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend…expectations are the basis of guilt and shame and judgment, and they provide the essential framework that promotes performance as the basis for identity and value.”

If you are in like, in love, have a crush or in the winter years of your marriage, love from the state of expectancy for a fulfilling relationship.  From expectancy love is able to flow and flourish.  When problems arise, and they will, don’t set your beloved up for failure by expecting anything at all.  You can more easily work out issues from the state of expectancy because you will be operating from a place of unlimited freedom and acceptance.   Expectations create boundaries with their step by step directions leading you to failure.   Value your relationships and go with the flow; love is unlimited and boundless.

Be a good customer service representative to those you are in relationship with.  Throw away your script, and choose to live from a state of expectancy!

Bright Blessings,

Rev. Cindy

 

 

Joys of Premarital Education

September 3, 2011 by revcindy

Wedding Ritual

As an engaged couple sits gazing into their partners’ eyes answering questions in a premarital education class, I still sigh and smile. I know the part of the relationship they are in is one of deep biological passion and sweet heart-felt love. So much love is taken to the altar with physical feelings trailing along creating opportunities for love the bloom.

They get into their limousine looking back at the guests who are all waving goodbye as they shout “congratulations”. Everything at the wedding went very well. The honeymoon destination is exactly as planned. But, the bride sheds small tears as she looks into her husband’s eyes for calming reassurance, but sees a bewildered look instead.  Gasp!  Why is she crying?  OMG!  What is he bewildered?

Before the wedding there was so much excitement, and now the wedding-bell blues arrive. She responds one way and he another. As they once again gaze into each others eyes, do they know how to respond with love or do they react through fear? Have they learned the differences? Are they able to complain and not criticize; or, criticize without contempt? In the midst of a disagreement – and there will be a few – are you, a newlywed so much in love, able to step away from the emotionally charged moment and figure out what is truly at the root of the outburst? A past fear or regret? Have you been trained to “say what you mean and understand what you hear?”

George Sala aptly said, “It is difficult not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

Truth is most engaged couples prepare for their weddings more than their marriage. The $50-billion-a-year-wedding industry can attest to that fact. More than one million copies of bridal magazines are sold each month, focusing on wedding ceremonies, honeymoon destinations and home furnishing – but not on marriage itself. Sadly enough, the truth is that less than one fifth of all marriages in America are preceded by some kind of formal marriage preparation. (These findings are based on telephone interviews with 1,037 adults, age eighteen and above. The survey was conducted between September 24 and October 9, 1988. Errors attributable to various samples could affect the percentage.)

Did you know that the hot points in marriage are wrongly blamed on in-laws, money and sex? Actually misunderstandings basically result from poor communication. How do you communicate with your beloved? Through acts of service, physical touch, kind words, quality time or gift giving? How does your partner communicate their love to you? Are you able to recognize the primary way your beloved expresses love? Dr. Gary Chapman has written an exciting series of books on “The Five Love Languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate.” It’s a fabulous series of books, and it’s all about communication.

Men and women, as I’m sure you know, communicate differently, but we also listen differently. When men hear about issues or problem, they want to fix. What women hear about, they want to explore, talk about it. Your beloved may just need to vent when she’s talking with you; she simply needs you to listen. Her beloved offers ideas and solutions to the assumed problem. She wants to share while he wants to share as well, just in another way. Both ways are gifts, but are you able to understand that? Have you been taught to be a reflective listener? Not only is it a great way to let your beloved know you are listening by repeating exactly what you “hear”, but it also defuses potential conflicts.  By repeating back to your beloved exactly what you heard, you will be able to think about the words (not the emotion used to say them)  and repeat word for word.   Your beloved will probably respond, well I didn’t mean it the way you took it.  You, as a literal person, will respond, and rightly so, but that’s what you said.  Then communication becomes an integral part of your conversation.

Anyway, after the bouquet is caught and tuxedos are returned couples assume they’re headed for marital bliss. You may be headed for marital bliss if you know how to address issues that married life produces. Bliss can be found in so many ways if you only have the skills to recognize it; and premarital education can do that for you and your beloved.

If you happen to live in the State of Texas, there is a great program sponsored by Twogether in Texas (I am a registered provider for this service.). If you take a minimum of eight hours of premarital education, you will receive not only great tools to use during all phases of your marriage but also a certificate to present to the County Clerk’s office that will give you $60.00 off your marriage license. What a deal…save your marriage before it starts and a license to boot.

Bright Blessings,
Rev. Cindy

I’m just not ready for love…

August 28, 2011 by revcindy

Love The One You’re With

So many people tell me they got burned in their last relationship, which they thought was based on love, so they’re just not ready for another one. Or, they must not be lovable because they’re unable to make someone love them or maintain love for them.

What I hear when someone tells me that is they aren’t willing or able to love themselves. I believe you will not be able to receive love until you accept that you personally are loving, lovable and loved…because you are. If you’re mean, love yourself as mean. If you’re hateful, love yourself as hateful. If you’re giving, love yourself as giving. If you’ve made ‘bad’ choices that have created ‘issues’ in your life, love as a ‘bad’ choice maker.  You see where I’m going with this…simply love yourself no matter what.  We can change our behavior and those patterns we have created for ourselves that have brought forward life events that aren’t so pleasant, but, we must love ourselves throughout the process.  Love ourselves no matter what.

All our relationships are based on what we feel about ourselves. (Main word in that sentence is ‘feel’.) Feelings change and are not constant. I feel your love for me today but do you remember in February of 2010 you were such a jerk that we ended our vacation early.  I appreciate your kindness today, but last week you treated me liked I didn’t even exist.  Like I said, feelings change and since there are no constant ‘feelings’ they really aren’t the best choice to go by when making a decision about love (or anything else).  I feel no one loves me therefore I not lovable.  Wrong…you are lovable…

Most of us have been told by our parents or those who raised us (raised is a funny word to use for humans growing up like we’re cotton, chickens or green beans) that the things we did as children/adolescent/teen/young adult/adult were: bad, stupid, ignorant, shameful, wrong, hateful, only the good go to heaven and if you don’t watch out you’ll go to hell, and you are such an idiot.  Those things stay with us, they are stored on a cellular level, and when an incident around us is similar to a particular situation in which we were called stupid, we feel stupid and maybe even act stupid because it’s a stored pattern.  Like going to the grocery story, it’s the same brand we choose each time even though it costs us more than a brand we’re not used to.  So we keep choosing the same same brand because it’s familiar.  Choosing those stored patterns instead of exploring a new one, folks, costs us.

Come on now, admit it. How in the world are we supposed to love ourselves when we’ve been told for at least 20-years of our lives we’ll never amount to a hill-of-beans?  How in the world have we made it this far?

Because of Love. That Universal Principle that gives life to everything…Love. It’s the common thread that embraces the Universe. Not just us here on Earth, but the entire Universe. Dark Energy, Dark Matter, Galaxies, Black Holes, Stars, Suns, Planet, ET’s are bound to us by Love.

It’s what makes being human ROCK!

The only constant is Love. It’s the thread that connects us ; therefore, connects us to every-thing. It’s what keeps you looking, searching for the right-one even if you feel stupid or ugly or whatever it is. We keep searching…we keep searching and looking for Love not knowing Love is right here all the time. It’s really the only thing that truly exists…we’re simply an extension.

So folks, as Stephen Stills sang in his 1970′s hit song “Love the One You’re With”, learn to love yourself FIRST because you are the one you’re always with.  Love resides right here.  Not a feeling, not a thing, It’s Love.

Cindy in Hot Spring

Rev Cindy Choosing Love

 

 

Bright Blessings,
Rev. Cindy